Going It Alone
On Thursday, I posted about how God had sent me champions and throughout the last few days He has continued to do so. Small gifts, unexpected prayers, encouragement, laughter. Reminding me to lean on others because I am not meant to do this on my own.
But that was not all I needed to learn this week.
Because as I stood worshipping Him through song this morning, I realized that I was fighting for breath.
Now I have asthma and the weather has changed quite a lot over the past few days - this is one of my triggers. So I knew exactly what was happening. And my rescue inhaler was in the bag that sat at my feet. I just needed to reach down, pull it out and take it.
But I didn't.
Because I told myself I didn't need it. I could breathe just a little deeper, I could sing just a little softer. Then it would all be ok. It was totally unnecessary to disturb or distract others worship. I could do this on my own; I just needed to try harder.
It sounds completely and utterly ridiculous doesn't it?
And truth be told, it is. No, I can't do it on my own. My lungs need help.
So I sat down, pulled out my inhaler, took it and worshipped from my seat for the rest of the morning as the medication did its job and made it easier to breathe.
Why am I sharing this with you?
Because as I listened to the songs and the words which were shared, I heard God softly speaking to my heart of hearts.
You see my friends and family - my champions - are not the only ones that I forget to rely on. I forget to rely on God. There, I said it.
My practical, organized, planning side jumps into action and tries to work it all out. Now there is nothing wrong with a plan and being organized, but when I do it at the expense of trusting God and leaning on Him, that is wrong.
There I am in life, struggling, trying to do it all by myself when all I have to do is reach out and there is Jesus. If I just stop and relax, He will help me. He will show me His plan. All I have to do is let go of my stubborn desire to do it on my own and grab hold of Jesus. It's time to stop going it alone.