Dear blogosphere,

I have not abandoned you. Yes, I realize it has been quite a while since you have heard from me. I've been ... adjusting. Sometimes I have done that well; other times it has been a struggle.

It's called re-entry. Or reverse culture shock. describes reverse culture shock as having four phases:

  1. Disengagement
  2. Initial euphoria
  3. Irritability and hostility
  4. Readjustment and adaption
Yeah, I'm in stage three. Not so fun. Though that title may make it sound a little over dramatic. I'm not walking around like the Hulk. I just tend to frustrate easily: when things aren't like they were in France or I feel like someone doesn't understand where I'm coming from. Oh, did I mention the disorientation? I can't quite seem to get a grip on my schedule; some days I am pretty sure that if I didn't have my head screwed on, I would walk out the door without it. I lost my keys the other day. In the car.

How to describe it in one sentence?

I love being home, and I miss being in France ... all at the same time.

So lately, I've been at a loss for words.

And let's be honest, life has been messy lately. Full of emotions: frustration, happiness, sadness, and even being overwhelmed. I wasn't ready to talk about messiness. I'm still not sure I am. And a part of me doesn't think I need to. Because even if you haven't had re-entry messiness, I'm pretty sure we've all had messy pieces of our lives. You might not get exactly where I am, but you can empathize.

But there are some things I need to say about messiness. So here it goes.

Messiness isn't my thing. I like neatness and order. When things get messiness, I try to fix them. If I'm trying to fix things, I am not letting God take care of them. Lately, I haven't been letting God fix my messy. He isn't fixing it on my timeline so I am trying to fix it myself. It's not going well.

Several times lately on the radio, I've heard Steven Curtis Chapman's new song "The Glorious Unfolding" play.

Lay your head down tonight/Take a rest from the fight/Don't try to figure it out/Just listen to what I'm whispering to your heart/'Cause I know this is not/Anything like you thought/The story of your life was gonna be/And it feels like the end has started closing in on you/But that's just not true/There's so much of the story that's still yet to unfold//And this is going to be a glorious unfolding/Just you wait and see and you will be amazed/You've just got to believe the story is far from over/So hold on to every promise God has made to us/And watch this glorious unfolding// 
It's a beautiful song. And right now, it's what God is whispering to me. I know you don't see the purpose of the messy, beloved, but just you wait and see and you will be amazed. It is a beautiful sound. Tonight I'm going to lay my head down and, while the messy might not be over, I am going to hold onto every promise of God. He's got a plan. He will unfold it in His time. And it is glorious!


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