The Here and Now

Conflicted. That was what I was going to originally entitle this post.

That's how I feel right now. I'm conflicted. As I approach the 50-days-until-home mark, my feelings are all mixed up. I am so very excited to go home and see my family. I've been away from home for ten months now. That is a long time. Longer than I've ever been gone before. The people (and places) I love are all associated with home - South Carolina. Part of me is counting down the days.

The other part isn't, though. In spite of all the ups and downs (or perhaps because of them), I have truly enjoyed my time in France. I still pinch myself when I realize I've been to Paris four different times now and I spent a week in Italy to celebrate my birthday. The best part, by far, has been the people. All the beautiful, precious friendships. I believe I am in denial; I can't quite wrap my head around the thought that we will have to say goodbye.

Part of me can't wait to leave, part of me never wants too. That's conflicted if I ever saw it.

But last night I was reminded about the here and now.

I was talking to a friend and we were sharing stories of living overseas: the adjustments, the culture shock, the hard things, and the exciting things.

During that conversation, she talked about making the choice to stay focused on "the here and now": where she is and what she is there to do.

And I realized that I wasn't fully doing that.

I am here in Poitiers. I am here because God sent me here. He called me here. He has a purpose for me being here. Until I leave, that is my "here and now." And until that time, I need to stay in it.

Don't get me wrong. I do need to think about some of the logistics of going home. I am still excited to see my family. I did have to register for my last semester of classes. It's not that I don't need to plan; I just don't need to let the future consume my focus.

The future is good. I know that God has many amazing things in it. But He has amazing things for me right here, right now.

I am reminded of the words of Jim Elliot; I leave you with them.
"Wherever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God."


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