Not Knowing How The Story Ends

I'm back from my temporary, unannounced blogging hiatus. The last couple of weeks have been a beautiful gift of family time. And a lot of preparation for France. Now it's a new year. Isn't that absolutely crazy? I mean where did 2013 go?

Now here is where I should insert a beautifully written blog post about how amazing 2013 was and how great 2014 will be. While I could do that - because 2013 was a great growing year for me and I know God has amazing things planned for this coming year -, I'm not going to. I want to be honest.

Last night, I had a lot of emotions washing over me. The biggest, the one that kept me up long past midnight: fear.

I'm staring a new year full of what ifs and unknowns. If you've been reading for long, you've probably figured out that those are two things I do not like.

Part of me has always wanted to go on an adventure like the one I'm about to undertake. I've read so many books where the hero or heroine goes on a journey. There is excitement, growth, and adventure. But really those adventures are safe because most books are going to end in happily ever after.

I don't know how my story ends. That's what scares me.

So where does that leave me?

It leaves me six days from getting on a plane to go across an ocean to a place I've never been. It leaves me vulnerable in places that I have spent my life building defenses and protection around. It leaves me putting faith in God, no safety net. That's exactly where He wants me.

I am exactly right. I don't know how the story ends. Honestly, I'm not sure I'm OK with that, but this morning God is reminding me that I don't need to be. I just need to seek God. I will find Him. The rest is up to Him.


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